The End of Satire

There is one thing that I particularly resent about Donald Trump: the abolition of satire. But not by decree, as one might think with permanently offended and, fortunately, offended narcissists like Trump and Musk, but because it is becoming increasingly obsolete.

Satire is now always overtaken by the "reality", if you can still call it that, of the evil political clowns, before an idea has even been written down. The joker then desperately tries to take it up a notch - the foil has served its purpose, instead he fences in unison with a sledgehammer and only comes up with completely absurd scenarios.

While Putin takes serious criminals out of prison and sends them to war to increase the concentrated expertise in murder, looting and rape, Trump hires criminals to hoist them directly into advisory and ministerial positions.

He nominated a former wrestling manager as education minister. The idea may be a bit silly, thinks the comedian, but more is better. The climate skeptic, who tolerated the abuse of minors in her gang for years, wants to eliminate "radical left-wing theories" - presumably reading, writing, thinking - with a university reform.

Fabricated meeting with Kim Jong Un

The Secretary of Homeland Security, on the other hand, invented a meeting with Kim Jong Un, despises Native Americans and boasts about how many animals she has already shot. Among them is her own dog, which was not well behaved during pheasant hunting. The country would be safe from that one.

Wow, that's a bit over the top. And dead animals are always difficult, as a general rule. The audience starts to grumble. "Just a minute, I've got one more," the satirist calls out anxiously, "you know, you know": the Minister of Defense is a Christian nationalist and crusade fan who has attracted attention through severe alcohol abuse as well as embezzlement, mismanagement and sexual assault in several offices.

"Not funny," calls a woman from behind. Okay, but this one is guaranteed to be good: He is also consistently committed to the pardoning of US war criminals. They might as well become the new generals, since the competence of the old ones is just a nuisance. According to experts, his tattoos indicate a completely right-wing extremist worldview. The only job of the US military, he says, is to kill. A little heart like that is all you can wish for as a defense minister, hahaha.

Nobody laughs. The satirist senses that he is in danger of losing his audience because the humor level is lacking. But in his helplessness he only gets himself further bogged down.

Instead of clever political cabaret, he produces sheer nonsense: the health minister is an anti-vaccination activist and a conspiracy theorist and practitioner. The polytoxicomaniac, full-blooded junkie publicly states that a worm ate parts of his brain and that heroin made him the best in his class, whereas before that he was a bad student.

When he was appointed, they probably thought that a person who was at least experienced in the sense of failure, who had experienced all the lows and is obviously still experiencing them, would be far more suitable for the job than a well-educated fact-monger from the intellectual ivory tower. This is particularly well received at Springer, where everyone has been working like this for a long time.

The satirist completely loses the thread

What unbelievable crap. The first people leave the popular "House of Laughter". Of course, satire is always a distorted mirror of reality, but it should still have some recognizable connection. Otherwise, you might as well sit by a forest lake with LSD in your head. What a flop. They paid forty euros, and no one will see them again. The evening would have been cheaper and better spent in front of the TV. The satirist now completely loses the thread.

"Do you want to hear anything else about the Scientology Attorney General who crawled through her office as public prosecutor on a slimy trail of corruption, the climate quacker in the office of the Minister for War Veterans Affairs or the UN Ambassador who derives Israel's territorial claim to all of Palestine from the Bible?" whines the would-be joker.

No, they don't want to. They flee in droves. Unfortunately, they miss the punch line, although it's hardly a shame: "But at least there are a lot of women there. Even some democracies could learn a thing or two from that."

All by himself, he's still babbling about the new police chief who wants to give away the "Toddler Toy", a three-pound automatic rifle, to kindergartens for free so that the little ones can defend themselves against mass murderers, the mangy giant rat that the Minister of Hygiene pulls out of a Chicago drain, and a horse that becomes a consul. This is how his last day as a satirist ends.